From Crib To Car Seat

She is now two and a half…. 8:30am… circle time is at 9:00am, can I make it on time?
Is it important?…. Can I push her out the door in 20 min or should I let her indulge in a thousand and one distractions and be calm about it?

She wants her “blue candy” we got for her yesterday, it’s resting on her “black chair” next to her crib. I give it to her.

“You want a bottle baby?”
“I do it.”
“But Aba already made your bottle.”…. She starts crying.
“No, I do it.”

I take her out of her crib….

“I wanna walk.”
“O.k.”

I empty out a third of the bottle and we fill it up together. I give her the nipple cap.

“Clean it.”

It’s clean but I wash it for her anyway. We screw it on together; there is eternal happiness in her eyes when she looks at me and says “I turning it!”

It’s 8:45am.

“Diaper change?”
“Wonder pets, wonder pets….”
“It’s not working baby.” Power outage blew out the cable box.
“Aba fik it?”
“No baby, Aba can’t fix this one, Aba called the cable company and they will send a man to fix it for us.”

She understands. I’m proud of her.

I pick out her clothes…. Do the colors match?… I don’t know; she’s only two and a half…. It doesn’t mean anything…. I need to make it to circle time.

“Diaper change, baby?”

she wants to climb on the bed her self, it’s taking too long, I lift her on to the bed, she starts crying,

”I do it…I wanna do it myself.”
“O.k.”

She climbs down and back up… the bottle is dripping on the bed cover…. I give it to her…. She doesn’t want it…. I didn’t sleep so well last night….

“Diaper change?”
“Not this one.”
“The other one is too small for you baby, Aba made a mistake and bought small diapers, we need to use this one, it’s bigger.”

She understands. I’m proud of her.

I clean her. Diaper. Pants….

“I do it.”
“Can we do it together?”
“Together”….

We put on her pants… shirt…. Its 9:00am already.

“We gotta do your hair, baby.”
“No hair.”
“We have to, and you also have to brush your teeth”
“No teeth. No hair.”

I take out the big guns…. “Please”…

“O.k.”

she smiles. I’m proud of her.

“Come here, let me do your hair….” She’s distracted….
“I wanna my candy, I puta in the bags, puta my cubby….”
“O.k. baby, let me do your hair first and then we put the candy in your bag, and you can take it to day care and put it in your cubby.”
“Puta my cubby.”
“Yes, can I do your hair now?”

I’m loosing my patience. She notices… she won’t budge… the tone of my voice is all wrong…. I take a deep breath…. It’s all my fault…. She is just like me, she doesn’t appreciate negative energy…. I try to relax—fuck circle time, my daughter needs me to be patient.

I speak to her gently,

“Come baby, let Aba do your hair…. I’m sorry, O.k?”

She smiles. I’m proud of her.

“You hurting me.”
“I’m sorry, I’m doing it as gentle as I can.” I brush her hair slowly. It really does hurt if you are careless, she doesn’t deserve my carelessness…. She moves her head…it hurts.

“You hurting me.”
“Stop moving.”
“You say sorry.”
“I say sorry? You keep moving and I say sorry? You say sorry, I’m trying to do your hair.”

She doesn’t say anything.

“O.k. baby, I’m sorry.”

“I sorry too, Aba.”… We hug and kiss. Her hair is done, she is almost ready.

“Lets brush your teeth.”
She agrees, we go to the bath room. I close the toilet seat cover.

“I wanna do it myself.”
“Can we do it together?”
“Together.”
“O.k.”

Now she’s ready. Gotta remember her lunch box, extra diapers and her sheet and blanket I forgot yesterday… it doesn’t mean anything… they have sheets and blankets at daycare.

Jacket… hat…. “I wanna my blue hat.”

O.k., where’s the blue hat?…. Got it… we are at the door…

“I wanna do it my self.”
“O.k.….can Aba help you?”
“O.k.”

We are out… it’s 9:30, she starts crying, “My blanket, my blanket.”

“Yes, baby, Aba can’t carry everything all at once. Let’s put you in the car seat and then Aba will get your blanket.”
I only take my eyes of off her for about 3 seconds, I leave the car door open, double check that I have the keys. I look around to see if there is anybody on my block…there’s no way…it doesn’t mean anything….

“I wanna do it myself.”

I put her down, she’s climbing in the car, I help her. It’s an SUV, she’s only two and a half….

“I wanna do it myself.”
“O.k. we do it together.”
“Together.”

I get her blanket and diapers. Did I take the “blue candy”? Yes, I’m sure I did.

9:47am

“I wanna eat.”
“You need to go to circle time like everybody else, if you want to eat we have to be quicker and get here before circle time.”
“I wanna eat,”

She starts crying, I don’t care, I got Miss Valery and Miss Mary to handle her now.
I put her name on her food, banana, chopped melon, yogurt, cheese sticks, chicken nuggets…. She gives me her bottle.
“I wanna puta ina fridge. You puta my name.”
“O.k.”

I put her name on the bottle…. I don’t think this is our bottle… must have taken someone else’s bottle…it doesn’t mean anything, somebody took one of her Tupperware pieces, I didn’t complain, it’s just an honest mistake….

“O.k, you can eat now,” says Miss Lena….

“What?”

“Yes, circle time is over.”

Thank God!

What time is it? Ohhh 10 past 10…

“You feed me.”
“No baby, Aba has to go to work.”

She starts crying again. I feed her a couple of teaspoons of yogurt… this yogurt is good for her right?….yeah ,I mean, I can’t make her yogurt and even if I did I would have to make it from milk, right? Milk is commercially mass produced, right?
What can I do? buy a freaking goat?

I’m leaving…

“Aba coming soon?”
“Yes, baby, Aba coming soon.”

My stomach is turning, I won’t be back before 6pm, that’s 8 hours from now. It’s okay, she’s better off at day care, interacting with her friends, learning new things everyday, and they have this really great gym where she also gets to play with older kids—that’s good for her, right? They always learn a lot from slightly older kids….

I gotta go…

Just walk away and don’t look back. That’s best for her, if I look back she’s gonna want to say something…. The door is slowly closing, here’s the window, I look at her, flying kisses, she says something but I can’t hear her, I go back…

“Ryan crying.”
“Yes, baby, but he’s O.k. now…. love you…”

I’m proud of her. She’s very compassionate, I like that about her, she’s a good person…. flying kisses….
I’m out—gotta organize my thoughts. I have a lot to accomplish today.

7 hours and counting….

 

 

Edited by Chris Landry

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One Response to From Crib To Car Seat

  1. Nivi Chakravorty says:

    Sounds just like my daughter:)

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